Lisa?!

So the snake’s name is Lisa. I’m not sure how this came about. It doesn’t sound very “snakey”. My wife insists it is short for “Mona Lisa”. I’m not sure how that relates either. When I hear anyone say something about Lisa, I start thinking that the doll-turned-into-a-woman from Weird Science is now living in my house. Now that would be a whole different level of birthday present.

Naming aside, we did feed “Lisa” her first meal under our roof this weekend. Ummmm! Rat! Now for the uneducated, let me explain. First you buy a frozen rat from Petsmart. Then you thaw it (it seems like forever) in warm water – in the garage of course – in biodegradable containers designed to never be seen again because who wants to fathom touching something that a rat spend all day in, trying to return to some form of life-like flexibility. Girls! Hello! We own a snake now!

Anyway, Lisa is FAST. So fast in fact, that I threw the rat into her feeding aquarium with her and before I could say, “Bon Appetit!”, BAM! The scene looked like this:

Snake 1. Rat 0.

Lisa spent 3 hours working on this rat. Yes, three. She eats like Europeans. One hour to constrict dinner until it was good and dead (Shhh! She doesn’t know it was already dead). Then, another 2 hours to swallow the rat, tail first. I missed a photo of the final scene (we’ll get it next time), but it was quite hilarious to see this snake with white whiskers hanging out of the side of its mouth and a big lump behind her head.

Now, don’t be surprised here, but everyone in the family took ringside seats for this feeding. Yes, even the soft feminine side of the house was up for a little Faces of Death action. However, at the end of the 3 hour event, Elizabeth summed it up for that side of the house when she said, “Well, I don’t need to watch that again.”

Boyz Rock!

One great thing about raising boys is that their stuff is also your stuff. Toys, games, gear, you name it. For example, as a nearly 40-year-old adult, I can’t justify buying or even owning a skateboard. But as a Dad of a 10-year-old boy, it is perfectly normal for me to turn his skateboard into a luge and fly down the hill in front of our house at excessive speed. If I’m lucky, I can even stand in line behind him and get my bloody arm cleaned by Mommy too.

Now this makes birthdays for our boys extra special. You know why, right? Because it is also my birthday. Yes! I can buy anything I want… as long as I convince my wife that it is THE thing our boys want for their birthdays. So imagine my surprise this year when my wife suggested first (I didn’t even have to work it into the conversation!) that we buy George… a SNAKE!

Sweeeeeeeet! Sign me up! So after a bit of research (did you know red-tailed boa constrictors can grow to 10 feet long?) and some selective searching (did you know you could buy a rat as a pet?), I settled on a 3-foot ball python that someone had listed on Craig’s List.

Here’s George in a state of shock after opening this present box and finding a snake inside:




Here’s George in an extreme state of excitement after realizing that he did indeed just get a 3-foot long snake for his birthday:



Here’s his sister, Carrie, reacting to the thought of a snake living in the same house as her:



And finally, here’s George and his bro, Gabey, proving that all boys love snakes. “Hey, Sisters! My snake is going to eat your Barbies!”



(Not pictured: Dad’s well-hidden level of excitement because, hey, this is George’s birthday… not mine.)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GEORGE!